I am a dog walker. Sometimes people look down on dog walking as a job. Like it’s beneath them. Or beneath me, which I suppose is sort of intended as a compliment. I was once calling references for a new potential dog walker, and to, “What would the candidate find most challenging about this position?”, the man said, “You’d have to be mentally handicapped to find anything about dog walking challenging”.
What a charmer. And what a reference! (She got the job and was in fact fantastic).
People in the US like to talk about following your bliss and all that, but in reality this is a VERY status-conscious society. It’s hard to have a job that other people look down on. In a sense it helps to say or believe “I’m just doing this for now, of course I’m looking for something better” – but I don’t want to have to believe that. My whole life I’ve been looking for something better. I want to be satisfied and happy where I am right now, without feeling ashamed of it.
I am trying to realize that a person’s response to my job tells me a lot more about them than it does about me.
I have succeeded in earning a(n) (albeit minimal) living doing this job – which is actually difficult to do.
I’m not good at this. Why? Gravity isn’t good at this!
My teacher said this in a supine twist the other day. I like to hold/pull by knee towards the floor in this pose right before savasana. It’s not important to me to reach the floor, but it is important to me to feel a twist! Gravity isn’t giving me that feeling, in this pose, and when I don’t have my hand on my knee, I find my leg just kind of uncomfortably hovering. I wind up engaging some muscle just to avoid discomfort, and I think this is not the intention of the pose either. Putting a block under my knee would remove any possibility of a twist at all.
My mind in its extreme thinking also says, “If I let gravity do the work, I’d be a gigantic blob on the floor all day long!”
Finding moderation with life’s “gravity” is challenging for me. I HAVE TO push a bit. I have to make decisions and live my life. I can’t just wait for things to happen. How much is too much initiative from me? Push too much, and I wind up in situations that really weren’t meant to be, or which are basically set up to fail … they have only evolved thanks to my initiative, but not organically. And I believe the same thing on other topics, for other people – in relationships and even things like aid projects. Obviously finding a balance is important, but how do you know?
This is something I struggle with.
I haven’t blogged here for a while! Today I am making the deposit for a yoga teacher training program. The next natural step for Coffee n Yoga, of course!
I thought about making a long list of the reasons why it is the right decision. In some ways that helps me validate my own choice. But I’m not going to. Yoga has had a tremendous positive impact on my life, I’d like to share it with others (particularly underserved folks who couldn’t otherwise have access), and I have the skills to do it.
I will also just enjoy the training.